Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Do I Look Fat???

Ok, a show of hands….Who thinks “bald” is sexy?

No, not THERRREEE, you sleezy guys who read my blog…..On top of your head…

Ya know Yul Brynner, Mr Clean, Telly Savalas, geesh, aren’t there any younger, (and living) actors to reference? Yikes. Well, anyway, you get the point.

Well, I think bald is sexy. (Note to husband; if you suddenly lose your hair, never fear, I’ll still be here.) I also think dreadlocks are sexy. So, go figure.

So, what am I ranting about now????

Well, my physical therapist had the unmitigated gall to “suggest” I was fat. Can you belieeeevee that? My husband would be shot in cold blood for ever using the word fat in the same zip code. He knows, he’s been trained, that fat and me do NOT go together. That whenever he gets the proverbial and CONSTANT question, “Do I look FAT?” – Without even looking in my direction, by rote, his answer is always, “absolutely NOT.” I beg him to LOOK at me and say it. But either way, his answer is always the same, and I take it as gospel.

But generally, there is a pattern. I do not look fat in the first mirror. However, in the sixth mirror on the second floor in the back, with the best light, I finally see that I do indeed look fat. That particular outfit is thrown to the ground never to be seen again. And let the fashion parade begin until we’re late, and he’s screaming “you do NOT look fat, hurry up; we’re late as usual!!”

Now, does this EVER happen to YOU???

My physical therapist is a handsome young man with a bald head. I’m curious about this, cause we girls fix everything. We have a wrinkle on our forehead, we add filler. We have a muffin top, we lipo it. We have gray hair, we color it. We have too much hair, we shave it (okay, one for you guys!).

So, I simply commented about his bald head which led to a scathing (and somewhat defensive) reply suggesting that discussing his baldness is like saying I’m fat. What??? Huh?? You’re calling me FAT? You think I’m fattttt?

I suddenly morph from my young, beautiful, sexy, “don’t-I-look-skinny-in-this-outfit” self into Elsie the Cow.
OMG, was it the four brownies I stuffed down two nights ago? Or the rice krispie bars that are only 100 cals each? Or was it the Peeps I can’t seem to get enough of? (Ya know they ARE in season..and those little lavender ones are hard to resist..)

I’m obsessed. And now my poor young “what-is-wrong-with-this-crazy-patient-of-mine” physical therapist is begging for forgiveness, suggesting I didn’t hear him correctly, that he did NOT say I’m fat. Realllly? Didn’t I HEAR him utter the word "FAT" in my presence?? Doesn’t he know never to say that word in front of me??

Having just watched the Anorexic Oscars, I’m feeling mucho fat. And, being a veteran of show biz, I know that every one of those skinny gals was poured into her dress, and starved for weeks. Yet, I think I’m fat cause I’m not skinny like they are.

Well, help is on the way, cause guess what? I discovered fat porn. Who knew that some men are really and truly into fat and wanna get their crank yanked by a buxom broad? How great is that?

Imagine their lives. When those gals look in the mirror and say, “Do I look fat?” The response is, “Yeah, baby, bring it on, you look sooooo faaaaaat soooo delish…I wanna…” Well, you get the idea…

Meantime, take a look at this article, "Debunking the 10 Myths of Dieting" It's VERY good.


  1. There is "bald" porn, too, you know.

  2. Reallllly??? Ok, I'm on it....Or uh, that may be a poor choice of words...I'll find it...

  3. This is hilarious! WHERE did you LEARN all this stuff??? BALD (is that the correct spelling?)PORN???

    and WHO ARE YOU???

    This is one hilarious blog- words AND pics!!

    So, to answer your question, YES, I THINK BALD IS SEXY! (After all, men who are bald actually have MORE testosterone than those with more hair!) And here's a question for you - (besides, WHO ARE YOU???) I heard that DARK chocolate is actually GOOD for you. PLEASE let this be true!!

  4. This is such a hot button for us women! (maybe not good terminology!)

  5. Hello. I just stumbled onto this blog. Is it new?
    I enjoyed reading most of it. I also enjoyed the article about the connection between bugs in the stomach and weight gain.

  6. Yes, this is a new blog and I'm really glad you liked it. I'm open to any and all suggestions, comments. I'm interested in finding articles that discuss issues we don't ordinarily come across in mainstream media. Please stay tuned, more to come!

  7. Hello,
    I'm the copyright holder of an image you've taken for your site. Granted, I am flattered you found the image and it spoke to you - and it's relevant to your site. But I do want you to be aware that grabbing any old image off Google isn't good practice and ESPECIALLY if it has a copyright attached to the actual image itself. That's pretty blatant. Since creating the image, I've only been asked permission to use it via email once, and I granted it for it was for a good cause. If you just ask permission, you might get an 'OK'. But stealing it, (especially if it is registered with the US Copyright office) could get you a lawsuit. Just be careful please - images aren't just grist for peoples' personal mills. Ask permission.