Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Chocolate Spanx

I broke down. I had three pieces of chocolate. Ugh.

I’m flagellating myself.

I lost three delicate precious pounds. And probably put them on in one single mouthful.

This is utter torture.

My recently fired Nazi nutritionist said if I slip up - god forbid –to make sure I enjoy it. Well, how the heck can I ENJOY it, when I know I shouldn’t be eating it? Seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it??? Enjoy it but don’t eat it??? Instead, I gulped them down because I was desperate for the pleasurable orgasmic effects of soothing and wonderful chocoooooolate. It was way too fast, and I already want more….

But, never fear spanx are near!

Spanx. Basically, a girdle. But one that is more aesthetically pleasing.

I attended a Women’s Conference. A place to empower women and inspire them to accomplish any and all goals. The arena was overwhelmed with power suits and pumps. But despite all the many booths touting the latest skin care, makeup and antioxidants, the biggest crowds were around spanx!!

I love spanx. I recommend them to anyone who can give up breathing for a day.

I am the Goddess of Spanx. Without them, I would be my lumpy self. Well, I still AM lumpy. But this little gem manages to smooth out the lumps. So, you become lumpless for a day. Then, when you take that sucker off, you can breeeeeeeaaaaaaatttthhhe again.

But, I live for the day I can live without spanx. And I guess that’s what this dieting mess is about.

The question, however, is how much weight loss is enough? Do you feel like it’s this never ending attainable goal? That no matter how much you lose, that it’s like a bottomless pit, that there’s always more to lose? Why is it that every time you hear about someone who’s lost weight, they almost always say, “and I have just 5 more pounds to go?” When is enough enough?

And when can the spanx addicts free ourselves from this addiction? When can we (quite literally) BREATHE again, and enjoy a spanx burning party?

I read a really interesting article on the ABC News website which I want to share. It’s about the great debate about fat; is it really OKAY to be fat?? Take a look. What do YOU think???



  1. Relax.

    A lot of men like to Spanx. You just have to meet the right guy.

  2. That's very funny!