Chocolate Spanx

I broke down. I had three pieces of chocolate. Ugh.

I’m flagellating myself.

I lost three delicate precious pounds. And probably put them on in one single mouthful.

This is utter torture.

My recently fired Nazi nutritionist said if I slip up - god forbid –to make sure I enjoy it. Well, how the heck can I ENJOY it, when I know I shouldn’t be eating it? Seems like an oxymoron, doesn’t it??? Enjoy it but don’t eat it??? Instead, I gulped them down because I was desperate for the pleasurable orgasmic effects of soothing and wonderful chocoooooolate. It was way too fast, and I already want more….

But, never fear spanx are near!

Spanx. Basically, a girdle. But one that is more aesthetically pleasing.

I attended a Women’s Conference. A place to empower women and inspire them to accomplish any and all goals. The arena was overwhelmed with power suits and pumps. But despite all the many booths touting the latest skin care, makeup and antioxidants, the biggest crowds were around spanx!!

I love spanx. I recommend them to anyone who can give up breathing for a day.

I am the Goddess of Spanx. Without them, I would be my lumpy self. Well, I still AM lumpy. But this little gem manages to smooth out the lumps. So, you become lumpless for a day. Then, when you take that sucker off, you can breeeeeeeaaaaaaatttthhhe again.

But, I live for the day I can live without spanx. And I guess that’s what this dieting mess is about.

The question, however, is how much weight loss is enough? Do you feel like it’s this never ending attainable goal? That no matter how much you lose, that it’s like a bottomless pit, that there’s always more to lose? Why is it that every time you hear about someone who’s lost weight, they almost always say, “and I have just 5 more pounds to go?” When is enough enough?

And when can the spanx addicts free ourselves from this addiction? When can we (quite literally) BREATHE again, and enjoy a spanx burning party?


I read a really interesting article on the ABC News website which I want to share. It’s about the great debate about fat; is it really OKAY to be fat?? Take a look. What do YOU think???

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/FaceOff/weight-debate-fat/story?id=9911743

Healthy Eating Sucks!

Today I’m eating at my very fancy schmanzy country club, amongst my fellow anorexics who daintily eat their finely chopped salads. I’m chowing down a Cobb salad; hold the bacon, cheese, avocado, egg, and wait, what’s left???? Forget it, put them all back in. But dressing on the side. Well, wait, what kinda dressing is it? Creamy…mmmmm, that sounds sooooo good, creammmmy dressing. The word itself adds five pounds. But no, the recently fired Nazi Nutritionist who is still dancing around in my head jerks me into reality and screams, balsamic vinegar! Yuck. Fine, I will drench my woes in tasty tangy vinegar.

The Nazi Nutritionist words continue to batter my brain with things like, “You can’t eat whatever the eff you want anymore. That’s just life. You're older.”



I’m eating alone, with a book in front of me, but who can read when there's such juicy conversation (and hopefully some good gossip) at the next table. Three elderly woman-but please don’t tell them that-because clearly they are in a war with aging.

I carefully and surreptitiously tilt my head in their direction and listen as these women talk giddily about their new plastic surgeons. One gleefully announces that she is in fact 82. The others are flabbergasted drenching her with compliments, adding that she looks 55. Wow. Well, I can’t stand it, I need a FULL view of this “82 is the new 55.”

Our eyes lock and I see a woman’s face with but a few lines, and long straight white hair. Admittedly, she doesn’t look 82. But 55 is a bit of a stretch. Now the conversation turns to...DIET. They speak of their good fortune to be alive and able bodied. But they are STILL watching their caloric intake. At 82. Ugh. (I was planning on tapering off around 70, I figure I’d earned a Big Mac and fries, and could dump the gym by then.)



Thirty long minutes have passed, and I’m famished and trying to ignore the aroma of hot buttery raisin bread at the next table. Finally my salad arrives.

But boy would I like that raisin bread. Nooooooo cracks whip of the Nazi Nutritionist inside my head sharply jerking it around into my glorious salad full of rich and healthy green vegetables. Yuck. What I really want is that darn raisin bread. In fact, my mouth is salivating for it.

But then I see “82 is the new 55” jumping, (literally) out of her seat (due to her personal trainer who trains her every morning; part of my skillful eavesdropping) and out the door with her fellow plastic surgery-ites. I glance over at their half eaten salads, with NO trace of bread or even crumbs on the table. Boy are they disciplined.

Suddenly, my salad is looking a little better.

Truth is YOU CAN lose weight if you really try. Here are three Easy Steps:

• Keep a food diary. I’m not kidding. Try it. It works.
• Remember to enjoy your food. Even a Cobb Salad tastes pretty darn good.
• Plan your meals. If you’re eating out, decide what you want to eat before you get there.

“Overcoming Your Fear of Frying” Great article with recipes about how to bake traditional fried foods. http://well.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/02/19/beyond-french-fries

Day One of My Eating Blog

I just fired my Nazi nutritionist. I couldn't do it. I couldn't live in a world of deprivation. I can't resist a cupcake, chocolate cake, a snickers bar, oh and did I mention cotton candy? I'm hopeless. I will forever be FAT!!....NO, this photo is not ME....YET.


EVERYONE has an idea, a plan, a diet to share with me. And I appreciate that, but trust me, I've tried them all. But today I'm really gonna try and start to lose, well, let's be conservative: 10 pounds. I mean how hard can THAT be, right? Ha-ha. And, I'm going to try this monumental effort on my own, without my Nazi nutritionist telling me perhaps I need a "sugar cleanse." Gonna start with shedding ten pounds and then we'll go from there...

Oh, and this is what I intend to look like...I figure what...should take like 8 weeks or so??



I live in Los Angeles, if you haven't figured that out yet. Land of the anorexics. And, suffice to say it's a struggle to fit in, to be beautiful and thin all the time. I also work in show biz. The business of anorexics with botox, and a lot of "quick, hide the cigarette, I don't want anyone to see that I don't eat, and smoke instead."

In the meantime, I'm going to post articles, advice, any kind of so called help that MIGHT assist me in my quest. So, below is a nice link to Dr. Oz who has some "Advice to Lose Weight." Let's see if it means a darn thing...

Fasten your seatbelts, here we go! And, please tell me I'm not the only one having a difficult time with this. There's gotta be more folks like me out there, right??



(Uh, this photo is not me either...she's way too thin..However,we are both consumed with anxiety...I dunno her problem, she's thin; isn't life supposed to be fantastic when one is thin? What the heck is her problem??)

http://www.oprah.com/health/Dr-Ozs-Advice-to-Lose-Weight